Follow the one true Mechanical Menace!
Enjoy my evil musings on the rabbit hole of broken dreams that is Twitter and join my useless army of shades of blue and infant pictorials that is the Facebook!
Mighty TOBY has spoken! Through cyberspace!
Tuesdays are for gathering!
Minions!
It is the second calendar grid of your pathetic work week and this mighty malevolent deity knows YOU know what that means: COPPER WIRE GATHERMENT.
Yes, that is correct! Tuesdays are for gathering copious amounts of copper wire and delivering it to the 125th street 2 and 3 Subway station restroom! Minions who do not comply with this regular Tuesday ritual will immediately lose the use of their left thumb!
Please enjoy the remains of your pathetic lives.
MIGHTY TOBY HAS REACHED OUT! THROUGH A PETTY BLOG!
Yours in eternal hellfire,
TOBY, Robot Satan
Snow: An Evil Minion’s tool
Huzzah and greetings, lowly, crispy-fried minions!
A pathetic human once wrote, “Now is the winter of our discontent.” Not usually being one to praise a human soul for anything, I have to admit that this contrite passage conveys perfectly Mighty TOBY’s sentiments on this abysmal section of your flawed calendar!
Winter is a time to make humans miserable, which is why I, your ever-alloyed leader, command all minions to immediately put winter’s evil to work forwarding the mission of this mechanically malevolent deity! Enter your local libation dispensary and abscond with a jaded human’s knit wear and idiotic layers of poorly constructed apparel! Create spherical ice projectiles from the sides of street corners and attack unsuspecting human couples at a pretentious cafe! And of course, do not forget to take advantage of the chemical properties of water in this climate by coating the sidewalk of your local septuagenarian habitat!
Be creative! This is your time to shine on, you cursed diamonds!
Mighty TOBY has decreed his malevolent intentions! Though his blog!
Yours in evisceration,
TOBY, Robot Satan
Minions! Pay close attention to this musical montage! This is how I wish all of our malevolent staff meetings to be performed, from this earth moment on! Do this and reward yourselves with one more calendar grid absent of hellfire and brimstone!
Mighty TOBY has decreed his wishes! On a lousy Tumblr blog!
P.S. The flashings red horns are a must-have!
Join my mighty minions on the sad cry for help that is Facebook! Do this and be spared loss of all breakfast food!
Minions! Mighty Lucifer is TOBY, Robot Satan, not Dr. Satan’s Robot! This mechanical deity answers to no inferior Earth-bound quack!
You have experienced clarification! Through a blog!
Yours in high-quality brimstone,
- Mighty TOBY
Minions! The Sockocalypse is indeed upon you all! Secure your pair of TOBY’s lower-most appendage stub covers, before it is too late! You have been warned! Through a series of tubes!
Yours in all things malevolent,
TOBY, Robot Satan
