Huzzah and greetings, lowly, crispy-fried minions!
A pathetic human once wrote, “Now is the winter of our discontent.” Not usually being one to praise a human soul for anything, I have to admit that this contrite passage conveys perfectly Mighty TOBY’s sentiments on this abysmal section of your flawed calendar!
Winter is a time to make humans miserable, which is why I, your ever-alloyed leader, command all minions to immediately put winter’s evil to work forwarding the mission of this mechanically malevolent deity! Enter your local libation dispensary and abscond with a jaded human’s knit wear and idiotic layers of poorly constructed apparel! Create spherical ice projectiles from the sides of street corners and attack unsuspecting human couples at a pretentious cafe! And of course, do not forget to take advantage of the chemical properties of water in this climate by coating the sidewalk of your local septuagenarian habitat!
Be creative! This is your time to shine on, you cursed diamonds!
Mighty TOBY has decreed his malevolent intentions! Though his blog!
Yours in evisceration,
TOBY, Robot Satan